Things that Robert is thinking about that keep him from accomplishing anything.

 
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Scott Peterson was arrested and charged with murdering his pregnant wife, Laci. He wins the honor of being the first post-Gulf War II "it" story. He will receive a plaque from CNN along with a $50 gift certificate to The Gap. "This couldn't have happened at a better time for us. It's just the jump start we needed for sweeps and the launch of Paula [Zahn]'s new show," said Teya Ryan, CNN executive vice president and general manager.

News of his award caused an outcry in Natchitoches, Louisiana. The family of the 22 year-old who shot and killed one person and injured another at Louisiana Technical College, claims he should have won the award. "We had the war all wrapped up by a long ways," said the suspect's mother. "That dude should've been disqualified. That girl'd been dead for like four months already." Agreed his uncle, who wished to remain anonymous, "How the Hell many people do you have to shoot before you can get some serious coverage?"

CNN producers considered the young man a finalist for the award, but shooting college students rather than high school students reduced the crime from a tragedy to a mere "unfortunate incident." "Frankly, it can't compete with a beautiful woman dying on Christmas Eve at the hands of her husband while she was pregnant. To lose a baby in that way is totally more tragic," said Ms. Zahn.
posted by RSaunders at 5:23 PM ⇒