Procrastination Nation

Things that Robert is thinking about that keep him from accomplishing anything.

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Wednesday, May 07, 2003
My Conspiracy Senses Are Tingling
ESPN, SportsIllustrated, and the Birmingham News have new details about the Mike Price situation. The most humorous part is this passage:
According to SI, Price left the club at midnight and went back to his hotel. According to one of the women involved, Price engaged "in some pretty aggressive sex" with two women in the hotel. The source told SI that at one point she and her female companion "started screaming 'Roll Tide!' and he was yelling back, 'It's rolling, baby, it's rolling.'"

Good stuff. However, more intersting to me are these passages:
"I offered him a table dance," Lori (Destiny) Boudreaux, a married mother of two who has worked in strip clubs for 15 years, told SI. "He tipped me $60. Then he asked me to take him to the semi-private dance area. He got a little bad there. We have rules, and touching is not allowed.

"He told me I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen," Boudreaux continued. "He kept telling me he had a room at the [Crowne Plaza] Hotel, and he wanted me to meet him there late that night. He was definitely persistent. I told him my husband was coming to pick me up after work, which he did, by the way."

The newspaper said Jennifer Eaton, who claims to have been in the hotel room that night, supported Price's assertion that there was no sex. Eaton was described as a 30-year-old native of Hartselle, Ala., who used to work at Arety's Angels, the Pensacola topless bar that Price visited April 16.

Eaton said she was one of three women in Price's hotel room that night, but only dancing and ``carrying on'' took place.

"Please tell Coach Price that I'm so sorry if I was in any way involved in getting him in trouble,'' she sobbed in a phone interview, the News said.

My inner conspiracy theorist thinks a significant portion of the Alabama Board of Trust and Alumni Association never wanted Price to begin with, they disliked what they saw at spring practice, and they set about finding a way to get him tossed out. Boudreaux's quote reminds me of Paul Dooley's testimony in Strange Brew: "And those tapes are timecoded. Which is very difficult to fake."

The plot's no more complicated than when Bert and Danny were set up on "Soap" so many years ago, or when Hawkeye and Trapper set up the Colonel at the Japanese hospital with the geishas in M*A*S*H. It'll be interesting to see whether the ladies crack. If t.v. and movies have taught me one thing, strippers are opportunistic and have a hard time keeping their mouths shut. If I were writing the episode for "Police Squad," the title would be, "The Patsy Wore Pasties (Today We Live, Tomorrow We Die)."

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