I Write the Rationalizations that Make My Whole World Ordered
Barry Manilow announced that he broke his nose
by running into a wall at his house, possibly requiring reconstructive surgery. We should probably take him at his word, but I'm wondering if we shouldn't be suspicious in light of his recent activities and excuses:
- Although he is not dating anyone now, he claims he lost his virginity to a girl at a summer camp when he was 15, but you wouldn't know her;
- When spotted by a papparazo buying Viagra, he claimed he was trying to get some pain medication and confused Aleve's blue pills with Viagra's;
- His trip to the emergency room for uncontrollable vomiting was due to food poisoning, not over-consumption of alcohol;
- He was buying that Atkins diet book as a memorial to the recently deceased author, not because he needed to lose weight;
- That Hair Club for Men membership application was just part of a scavenger hunt run by his record label;
- The eviscerated corpse found at his house was like that when he got there.
We'll have to keep an eye on this fellow.