Procrastination Nation

Things that Robert is thinking about that keep him from accomplishing anything.

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Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Over the next couple days, I'll be posting some of my Slant material that didn't make this issue, but will be dated if it isn't used now. Here's the first item:

Triumph Beaten At 'Passion' Premiere
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog was beaten into unconsciousness by audience members waiting in line to see the new film, The Passion of the Christ. Triumph, a classic Borscht-belt comedian, provoked the ire of Christians waiting outside the United Artists Criterion theatre on Broadway by commenting that Jesus was "hung like a chiuaua. Seriously, this guy could have schtupped a bowl of pudding and not made an impression." The canine suffered several broken bones and damage to internal organs and is in intensive care at St. Luke's Veterinary Hospital. Triumph makes his living as a lounge act in Atlantic City and covering large public gatherings and insulting attendees for NBC's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien." According to the comic, "This is the worst beating I've taken since I banged Spuds McKenzie's sister."

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