Procrastination Nation

Things that Robert is thinking about that keep him from accomplishing anything.

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Friday, July 30, 2004
 
"I Can Read a Map"
To quote Gen. Patton in Patton. The L.A. Times has an interactive electoral map linked to the latest polling data for each state. If their allocations of states are correct, then it looks like Kerry will win with the following combination of unclaimed states: Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, New Mexico, and either Iowa or Oregon. In all of those states except Iowa, Kerry leads, and they all voted for Gore (and Clinton). Slim, but enough.

Still, though Kerry ignored my advice, I hold to my Ohio Valley-Lower Mississippi Valley theory. He obviously will make plays in Missouri and Iowa, but he should not write off Tennessee or Arkansas completely. Or, more specifically, he should deploy Edwards frequently, especially in east Tennessee, which was the difference for Tennessee's Gov. Bredesen in his campaign in '02 when Democrats were trounced throughout the nation.


 
A Little too Memorable?
Looks like I've bought a ticket to more than just Maddux's attempt for his 300th win. Naturally, I'm in the upper deck (first base side, I think).


 
F-f-f-foolin'!
I watched Kerry on tape last night, so I missed the Morgan Freeman-narrated video and other preliminary speeches. I don't see why pundits or Democrats are jazzed about his speech last night. It's only real virtue was its relative brevity, at 46 minutes. If I have an unusual amount of typos, forgive my copy editing as the glare from Kerry's chin sweat burned my retinas. Is there not a corner man to come over and wipe him down? Or a nurse? He looked like Ted Striker trying to land a plane.

His oratorical limitations are substantial, but I see it as the job of the speech writer to place the words in his mouth in such a way as to compensate for them. First, he crams too many words into each breath. (I'm going to go through and count some samples from tape tonight.) Second, the sentences are too long. As I've complained before, he needs to remove conjunctions (I'll check that, too), but removing excessive clauses will help substantially. Perhaps the clauses were an attempt by the speech writers to force some pauses and breaths. The excessive wordiness and pace make even the slightly memorable images still more slight. Will anyone remember this speech in a week? Is a "family values, valuing families" turn of phrase the best they can do?

I fear this speech is a "success" in the same way pundits regarded Dukakis' speech in '88 as a successful speech at the time. Appealing to the American ideal of immigration, connecting his personal story to his policy. He had a 17 point lead and everything. Yeah, quite memorable: "Because this election isn’t about ideology. It’s about competence." We see where that got him.

I suppose, ultimately, the success of a speech is not in the speech but in the candidate. I don't believe Kerry will carry this off.

On the plus side, though, I have to give a thumbs up to using Bruce Springsteen's "No Surrender" for an intro song, not so much because it's evocative, but because I'm a Springsteen fan. At least they didn't fall for the ironically titled "Glory Days." And, even if it was from the Van Hagar era, "Dreams" is a definite improvement from Fleetwood Mac and "Don't Stop" for listenting purposes. Unfortunately, I'm not sure '80s nostalgia is to a point where it will connect to enough voters.

I'll take your votes by email for '80s songs they should have used. They have to fit the message and be recognizable to enough people. If you have RNC song suggestions, send those, too.


Thursday, July 29, 2004
 
I'm Going Down...
Finally broke under 200 lbs. a.m.  199.6 to be precise.  I can fit in size 34 pants, but more impressively, I can wear a XL t-shirt (instead of XXL or XXXL) without looking ridiculous.

More t.v. thoughts:
  • Convetion: Edwards:  A nice enough speech.  Smoother than Obama, but not as energetic.  I fear the Democrats will realize come 10:05 p.m. EDT that maybe they should have had an Edwards-Obama ticket.
  • Convention: Coverage:  I miss Doris Kearns Goodwin, but the new lady, Ellen Fitzpatrick, is decent.  I don't care for Brooks, and I'm less interested than ever in Shields.  They definitely could use some fresh blood, but at least they speak in complete sentences without shouting.  Also, as much as people may wish Obama could have made the primetime lineup on one of the networks, it probably offsets the votes they would lose having Sharpton in primetime.
  • 60 Minutes II:  Did any of you see the feature on a private foundation that operates a large bakery in New York that hires lots of ex-cons and recovering addicts?  Sounds really impressive.  Fun fact: they make the brownies that go in Ben & Jerry's ice cream, 11,000 pounds per day.
  • Scrubs:  NBC slots it at 8:30ET/7:30CT tonight.  Also, make your plans to see Garden State when it comes to your area, featuring Scrubs' Zach (J.D.) Braff.

And one of my Hammond previews is available online now.



Wednesday, July 28, 2004
 
Around the Tube
I peaked at Last Comic, Big Brother, Amazing Race, Trading Spouses, and the convention.  Some quick rundowns: 
  • Last Comic: Corey Holcombe seems very funny based on his laundromat performance, but I can't understand how somebody who makes a living on tour can exude so little energy.  Of course, Ant exudes a lot of energy, but it doesn't compensate for not being especially funny.  But, if you're not going to be funny, you better at least have energy.  Also, does anybody think Jay Mohr is that funny?  I liked his little time on SNL, and he does fine as a guest and host on Jim Rome, but c'mon, his act is thinner than Mary Kate.  At least he's better than the contestants (except maybe Kathleen Madigan).
  • Amazing Race:  Came in late on this to watch people chugging caviar.  Russia didn't seem especially interesting as a challenge.  As a side note, my family doctor and his son were finalists for this edition of AR.  They took the top 12, and they made the top 16.  Not too shabby.
  • Big Brother:  I'm not watching this show anymore.  These people are stupid.
  • Trading Spouses:  Anybody else disappointed in the twist?  I was hoping, for the sake of mankind, the twist was the white lady was an actor doing a Southern "big fat obnoxious wife" routine.  Sadly, she really is that thoughtless, ignorant, and shallow.  I can't invest anymore eyeball time on this.  Even Last Comic is more interesting.
  • Convention:  Obama.   Pretty impressive.  I came in about half way through, but I'm hoping to find a video on the Internet.  First, he's a cartoonist's  wet dream, isn't he?  I mean, those ears are so huge he could be Reggie Miller's half-brother.  Second, in addition to having a natural, conversational speech style, he had a really great speechwriter putting together an impressive political ideology that bypassed the traditional liberal and conservative labels.  Big thumbs up.
  • Convention: Teresa.  Not...so...impressive.  Spit it out, already.  She's clearly an impressive lady, and I didn't have any majory problems, politically or rhetorically, with her speech per se.  However, you also got the sense of how rich she is, how used to being "high status" in dealing with other people she is: "I...will talk...at the pace...I choose...because I...am rich...and you...work for me."  Or, is that just conditioning from being a translator in which she's used to speaking only in little chunks at a time?  Either way, it's annoying to listen to when you're on the payroll, it's obnoxious when you're not.

One other update:  My Darrell Hammond article comes out Saturday.  I'll post the link then, and add some choice excerpts over the weekend or early next week from Chicago.  Also, look for a post with details on Maddux's attempt for 300.




 
300 and Me
No, I haven't gained all the weight back. I got my Cubs ticket for Sunday afternoon when Maddux goes for win number 300. Build in some Second City or ImprovOlympic time that night, and I'm golden.

Also, on the job front: interview set for NYC on Aug 9.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004
 
The Procrastination Nation Diet
Some of you are monitoring my weight and wonder, "Yeah, the exercise is nice, but what are you doing for food?"

To start, let me tell you about my eating habits before I decided to get skinny again. I would eventually wake up in the morning, maybe have a bowl of cereal, but not usually. I've always been a skim milk person, and while I'm not immune to Cap'n Crunch and Frosted Flakes, I'm basically a Cheerios and Raisin Bran person (all of them store brand, because, as you know, I'm a cheap bastard). However, in my peak weight gain phases, I'd hit Jack in the Box to get cheap ham/egg/cheese sandwiches or Sonic, where you can get the H/E/C Toaster sandwich all day (damned tasty).

I'd normally linger at work for about 2-3 hours before going to lunch. Often this was one of two places: Pizza Perfect and San Antonio Taco Co. I'd go for stretches of eating there twice a day for several days, not just twice a week or twice a month. I'd also work in some food time at Burger King, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, and a few Mexican places around town. And the Chinese Buffet that has set up shop around here. This formed the bulk of my meals. I didn't always (or even often) get fries/onion rings, seldom had queso dip, never get mayo on burgers, and hate sour cream. I did, however, tend to double-up: two Jr. Whoppers, or 3 slices of pizza (roughly half an 16") with pepperoni and onion. Back when I was drinking sodas all the time, I would also chug about one-half to a whole gallon of soda a day, primarily Diet Coke/Pepsi, but mixing in the occasional Dr. Pepper or regular soda.

I often ate at these places for dinner, as well as at Jersey Mike's sub shop (chief vice: Turkey Club Sub Mike's Way plus mayo and mustard, sometimes a half, not infrequently a giant). I might occasionally work in some DQ time (Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzard or ice cream or cereal). As much as I like to cook, I hate to clean, so it worked a fair balance: I get fed, I don't have to clean as much. I also ate out at restaurants and wasn't bashful about eating appetizers, entrees, desserts and the leftovers from your entrees.

However, often my typical meal in the recent months before the diet was some form of (homemade) nachos. As simple as chips with melted cheddar, but occasionally making my own queso dip, or just eating chips and salsa. The height of nutrition.

Of course, I'd go through some cycles of controlling amounts and mix of foods and even occasionally exercising for a month or two. However, these were usually short lived spurts. More importantly, I would sometimes go over to these places between lunch and dinner or late after dinner, partly on the recent theory that you need a lot of small meals in the day, partly as a way of avoiding working on difficult tasks or as a place to escape the office (email/blog/Internet) to think on difficult tasks. Basically, I was a multi-year version of the Super Size Me guy.

So, what has the diet been. First, I gave up sodas in December 2002. That helped a lot and led to some steady weight loss, but I soon compensated with high sugar lemoandes and resumed my steady diet of fast food.

Second, I read the Zone diet book and re-read the Dr. Abravanel's Body Type Diet book, which had some good specific suggestions on foods that I liked/craved that were good for me. Also, the Zone diet referenced Dr. Sears' work with the Stanford swim team in '92, which made a special emotional appeal to my swimming background and knowledge of how the team performed and had success at Barcelona '92.

The gist of these was that I needed to control my sugar consumption. Though I never thought of myself as a sugar junkie, I realized that my soda consumption and lots of my sandwich/pizza foods were sugar-y in the form of bread. While I'm not an Atkins fanatic, I did cut back on pizza (only 2x since I started in March) and SATCo (a handful of times but restricted to chicken soft tacos mostly) and general unnecessary carbs. I basically said, could I eat something else that might be a carb that would be better? Often that would be chickpeas, black beans, or baked beans (sans brown sugar).

But the big insights were the following: from Abravanel's book, I found that I'm a "thyroid" body type, which means I am a sugar addict, which means that I had to cut out for some time (though I've since reintroduced) fruits and white breads and such. In its place I got to eat eggs, which I love. I can eat scrambled eggs and omelettes all day. Second, I figured out that I could be full eating a large salad if I added grated hard boiled eggs and chickpeas and used vinaigrette instead of French dressing. I'd eat sometimes a pound of salad, lunch and/or dinner. I was full and saw results quickly. Now, I mix in the spinach chicken salad at Wendy's and/or the small chili, and they have the diet Minute Maid lemonade, which I hold to a medium.

The other big Abravenel insight was the importance of meal spacing. For my body type I needed to space my meals out consistently. In the initial phases it was breakfast, wait 4 hrs, lunch, wait 6 hrs, dinner. After a month, it was 5 hrs between breakfast and lunch. What I noticed is that I was truly hungry when I went to eat, but that it wasn't awful. I could usually distract myself from the hunger by either switching tasks or finding something on the Internet or writing notes to myself about stuff I needed to do.

I found the egg routine a bit cumbersome because I still hate cleaning. Now, my basic routine is to drink 16 oz of a protein-y shake (a lower sugar version of SlimFast). Some would argue the regular milk consumption is playing a role. Then, I get the chili or salad for lunch. Every couple weeks I sneak in a trip to the Chinese buffet, but I make sure to load up on veggies and sushi before attacking a General's chicken, and usually that I restrict to 4 pieces/chunks, and one egg roll. For dinner, I'm basically doing a combination of salads, soups, and fruit. I found that I dislike eating fruit by hand, but if I cut it up into fruit salads, I'll eat pretty well. Ditto for vegetables, but I do better with it in soup form. On top of that, I'm taking a multivitamin at night, plus all the exercise I've described before. I will go to DQ or get (or make) ice cream every 3-4 weeks, too.

On the whole, I'm finding (a) I sleep better at night and wake up less groggy, (b) while not necessarily happier or more energetic I'm at least a little more prideful in myself, and (c) that I'm not truly starving or feeling deprived. I think the big thing I realized is that, although I'm a grown up and have the money to eat out all the time and can treat myself to foods I really like, I don't need to do that every single damned day at every single damned meal.

So, that's my story.

Monday, July 26, 2004
 
Queer 1
Just saw this article about the Queer Eye guy trying to save Pier 1.

Memo
TO:  Pier 1
FROM:  Procrastination Nation
RE:  Your stores

I saw that you changed ad agencies recently in addition to changing your spokespersons.  Ditching Kirstie Alley for Thom Filicia is a definite improvement; classic addition by subtraction.

However, your problem is not the ads or even the spokersperson.  Your problems are price and design.

First, your stuff is overpriced, though that only matters to cheapskates like me.  You've probably been overpriced for decades, but it's a problem now that more people are settling for Wal-Mart decor.  Come up with something unique about your design that sets you apart from that crap, yet also sets you apart from your traditional wicker origins.  

This is where problem two comes in:  your stores are a total clutter fest.  How can a design store exhibit so little sensitivity to design in the layout of its stores?  I've been in Wal-Marts that have less crap crammed into the aisles than Pier 1.  A couple of things here.  First, keep some stuff in the back.  I'll take your word for it that there are 20 plates  of  the same type available.  This may mean reducing some retail footage at some stores for back of the house storage, but it'd be worth it, especially if you could improve inventory and shipping so that there are no real time delays when somebody buys the last armoire.  

Also, really, some of this stuff--does anybody buy it?  Cut some of the more ridiculous clutter junk out.  Your competitors are not just in substitute products  but in complementary products.  Have you completely missed the trend of organization-specific stores, de-cluttering magazines and t.v. shows, and a general trend toward to simplification.  Your stores are a nightmare shopping experience for these folks. 

Which leads me to the bigger problem, design.  Create spaces that show off Pier 1's design sensibilities.  For starters, divide the space up some.  One of the things that keeps Restoration Hardware from being a total disaster is that they group their items into separate spaces, yet because their wall dividers do not go all the way up or all the way around the "room" the spaces feel more open.  What would be really cool is to have a system of screens (like at a portrait studio) or folding panels that would allow you to change room colors to basic palettes to help the less visionary among your crowd.   This also gives you a way to differentiate yourself from RH--which doesn't create vignettes so much as stopping areas for customers--and other up-scale places by showing off design, which makes the rooms more accessible to buyers.  Hire some designers to redeploy your inventory in the store.  You can hire one team to standardize all your stores, or hire regionally to emphasize things special to different areas (outdoor fireplaces are probably not necessary in New Orleans and Miami).

Also,  has there been no innovation in the world of wood-based furnitures?  Your niche is for classy casual comfort, and a certain amount of wicker and bamboo is to be expected.  Still, you may want to consider adding some designs that are true to Pier 1's style yet different enough to be eye-catching to people who are bored with Pier 1 and feel like they "know what I'm getting."  Wake them up!

Sincerely,

Robert
Procrastination Nation

 



 
Fifty and Loving It
I finally broke through the 50 lb. barrier this weekend. I'm at 202.8 and have held it for 3 days, so it seems real. It'd be cool to be under 200 before my interview next week. Maybe I'll buy some tighty-whities to celebrate.

On the Tour de France: I'm happy for Lance to win, and I'm even happy for him to get all these endorsements, though as much tv as I watch I get more than my fill (and I don't even have cable/satellite). However, all this talk about how great six consecutive titles is is a bit much. In the race's 91 occurrences, four other people have won five titles, including the most recent, Miguel Indurain (91-95), who also won five consecutive. These five people account for 26 of the 91 titles. So, while it's unprecedented, it's not exactly earth-shattering. I can't help but think it's all about his cancer recovery. Would anyone but other cycling freaks really care about his achievement if he were just some guy who rides his bike and shaves his legs? I didn't think so.

The lesson we should probably draw is that well-financed teams tend to do really well and consistently so. We'll see what happens next year when the USPS is no longer the sponsor: it would be really interesting if Lance doesn't race and somebody new from the USPS team won next year. Of course, if Lance doesn't ride, maybe the new sponsors don't invest as much in the team, thereby improving other teams' chances and creating the self-fulfilling prophecy of "if only they had Lance."

As for Ricky Williams' retirement. It's nice to see somebody taking a stand for his belief in weed and freedom. Will this inspire the Portland Blunt Blazers drop out of the NBA?

Saturday, July 24, 2004
 
Chicago Dreams
Well, I have interviews set up in Chicago.  I go up August 1, which turns out to be the first date Greg Maddux can go for his 300th win, assuming he wins his next start.  I took that as a sign to buy a ticket, my first using an on-line ticket broker.  We'll see if it shows up or how many illegal charges I get on my credit card, but for now I'll remain optimistic, or as optimistic as I get.


Wednesday, July 21, 2004
 
Random Stuff
  • Weight is now at 207.4.  Heading back in the right direction.
  • On the All-Star Game:  When will we stop pimping Muhammad Ali?  I thought it was nice to see him light the torch in Atlanta, but seriously, this is just perverse.  "Hey, a new Jiffy Lube is opening.  Get Ali!"  "What, a new Wal-Mart is opening?  Bring me Teddy Ballgame's frozen melon!"
  • Yes, I've been listening to too much Jim Rome lately.  I don't always enjoy him or the show, but I think he'd be a super replacement for Kilborn on Late, Late  Show.  What a disaster that thing is.
  • Just going over my Hammond interview notes today.  I'm such a terrible interviewer, but there's some interesting stuff in spite of myself.  The article should be out next Thursday.
  • Sadly, I'm looking forward to the finale of "America's Ultimate Love Test."  Partly because for some idiotic reason I've enjoyed the show, but mostly because I hope it means that I regain an hour of my life in the coming weeks.
  • More sadly, I saw the first episode of "Trading Spouses."  That white lady needs an attitude adjustment, maybe not of the variety suggested by Bob Ryan for Jumana Kidd, but something.  I can't help but think, or hope, that this woman is just those Asian kids' stepmom.
  • I'm also irritated with Fox for taking that title.  I drew a cartoon of couples having sex, with Trading Spouses written in the Trading Spaces logotype.  Hustler rejected it.  Too highbrow?  I'll assume it was due to my poor drawing skills rather than the lack of humor and creativity.

That's all for now.  Ciao!



Monday, July 19, 2004
 
Updates
First, a fresh new Slant is available for your  reading pleasure.
 
Second, job hunt is in full swing.  Probable interviews in Chi and NYC in the next two weeks.  No word yet on on the grants here.
 
Third, Darrell Hammond interview should be published in the Tennessean next week.  I'll post excerpts here soon.
 
Meanwhile, on the weight loss front, I got as low as 207 10 days ago, which is about 46 lbs lost.  I'm hovering right now at about 210 though.  I'm finding a renewed urge to eat, and it's somewhat distressing.  Part of it seems natural as I've added weight lifting and a second day of swimming to regimen.  Also, I've started running for part of my treadmill time.  Even when you're running a calorie deficit, it seems like there'd have to be a time to add something to the calorie intake side.  The optimist says I'm adding more muscle, but you know I'm no optimist.  Will keep you posted.


Friday, July 09, 2004
 
Somebody Else Always Wins Every Lottery
While lamenting that I cannot seem to win Powerball, even when the jackpot is a lowly $10-20 million, I ran across this article at CNN about Honda CR-Vs catching fire after oil changes. Why can't I have an injury-free financial bonanza like this so I can get a new car?